Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
