yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
