Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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