No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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