dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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