They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
