put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Enjoy the penises
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
