Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
