I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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