Got a toothbrush?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
