There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
