Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
