So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
