Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
