Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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