Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
