just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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