my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
