I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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