I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
