The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
