Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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