The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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