Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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