if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
