just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
