we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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