After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
