I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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