check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
