i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
organizing the empties. That sober.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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