my mouth tastes like poor choices
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
