hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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