he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
