You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
