Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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