Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
