nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
