I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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