home. puking in laundry basket.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
