She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
