The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize