I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
