thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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