I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
