remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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