We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
