I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
