my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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