she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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